In my early days here in the US while I was still waiting for my working permit, I spent most of my time alternating between the health club, internet and watching courtroom tvs. When I got bored with them I would browse through classified ads, not only to scout for potential jobs, but to entertain myself with the "unusual" (by the generally conservative filipino standard) to the downright bizarre advertisments posted in that section.

Here are samples:

ADULT SERVICES   

Transexual Beyonce, The best of all the rest. 23 y.o. pretty face with a hot bangin body (38D-28-40), well-hung. Beginners welcome. Avail 24/7. North side location. *773-123-4567

Amy's Escorts. A select group of ladies chosen for their styles, looks and personality. Outcalls only.$300/hr cash.*773-123-4567.www.dot.com.

Models Needed For topless/nude/erotic calendar photography. Age 18-30. Good income potential. Call *847-123-4567.

I'm Eighteen Y.O., 5'7", 135# diva who's ready to please you and make your wildest fantasies come true. O'Hare area. Sarah, *123-4560-7890. Hiring.

WANTED

$5000 To Women who are healthy to be anonymous egg donors. Chicago's first/highly respected program is looking for women between the ages of 20-29. Donors will be evaluated, take medication and undergo minor surgical procedures. Serious inquiries only.

Teacher/Writer thoroughly disgusted with the Chicago Board Of Education seeks interesting and challenging position. *847-123-4567

Are you 55 or over and have trouble sleeping? Call for info about non-drug research study to improve sleep. $1200 compensation. Northwestern University, *312-123-4567.

PERSONALS

What Becomes Of The Broken-Hearted who had love that's now departed? I've been searching everywhere just to find someone to care. Attractive DWF seeks tall, lonely WM 45-60.

A Little Too Much Experience Put together WMP. Very active lifestyle (modern culture, politics, travel). Straight but HIV+. Seeks 35-50, intelligent, artsy companion.

Blue Eyed Cutie SWM fit, funny seeks SWF for off road motorcycling adventures. I have the toys, let's play. First timers welcome.

Ladies, Got Great Feet? SWM, 50s seeks attr, NS WF, 21-55 that would like her perfect feet kissed and massaged.

Those who are squeamish need not apply

*not their real numbers.

Currently listening to: Tom's radio station
Currently reading: Painting Books
Currently watching: just watched The Aviator