Tom and I were fast workers. Perhaps having this "project" during the winter season also helped (what did they say about cold weather and babies?) because after two months I was pregnant again. I refused to get excited until I had an ultrasound done. A tiny speck in the screen confirmed that there was a fetus in my womb. It looked like a lizard without legs. I was informed I should be on my 8th week.

So Tom sent out an email to his family again. I also told family and few friends. Surely this time it was going to be okay. Fate couldn't be that cruel. Or so I thought.

The Second Time
Just like the first a few days before the 3rd month I had spotting. "Oh no, not again," was my first reaction. I drove to the clinic hoping for the best. This was supposed to be my 12th week appointment. I told the doctor of my symptoms, she was calm and said that it wasn't uncommon for women to experience this and go on to have a normal pregnancy. I wanted so much to believe her however when I had the ultrasound a few moments afterwards, the words that came out from my OB wasn't what I wanted to hear.

"It seems there was a demise on the 9th week." She then told me the fetus wasn't moving and its size didn't correlate with its age. I asked her what could Tom and I could possibly be doing wrong; why this was happening to us. She said that mostly it was nature's way, that not all conceptions are pefect. Technically my first pregnancy wasn't a miscarriage and I have to have 3 miscarriages before it can be considered a recurring miscarriage. She added still there were couples who even had 3 unsuccessful pregnancies and would go on to have a normal baby on the fourth one.

As I got into the car to go home I thought I shouldn't even be driving. It took a lot of willpower to remain focused and drive safely. When I reached the house I was glad that my brother and his son were there to take my mind off from my condition. Although at the same time I desperately wanted my husband to arrive so I can get it off my chest. When Tom came home we went to the beach so we can talk privately. Like me my husband was devastated.

The following day, Tuesday, I made a lot of calls to the clinic trying to schedule another D&C for that week. Surprisingly, I got the impression that my Gynecologist wasn't that keen of me going to that direction although she didn't really stated it. It wasn't until I brought up a concern of expelling the fetus by myself because the amount of blood loss or degree of pain that comes with it is uncertain and how it might be a traumatic episode for both me and my husband. By that I meant emotionally. The doctor pointed out that the procedure is more physically traumatic to the body. She however stressed that I needed to take the pill for this because a 9 week old fetus will be too hard to pass entirely (meaning no leftovers) on my own. The appointment was set on Friday.

Thursday night I felt severe cramping around 11pm, then a gush of blood. I ran to the bathroom, used the john and changed pads. I repeated this process throughout the entire night. The pain intensified and more blood flowed as time progressed. Once in a while my concerned husband would stand outside the door and ask me if I was fine. Surprisingly I was. It was bearable. I didn't get any sleep. I was finally able to expel the fetus and sac at 10am. I hesitated about flushing it down the toilet but I had no choice. I couldn't very well bury it on our condo's backyard. I was just thankful that it only closely resembled a bloody stool not anything remotely human.

to be continued...

Surviving The Heat

A couple of days ago there was news of a pregnant woman who died from the heat wave while watching a baseball game. They were able to save the 7 month old baby but photos of his nursery with his name "Maxwell" splashed on one wall and another of his father cradling him was pure heart breaking. I can imagine all the preparation the excited couple did in anticipation of the birth of their son, only to have the father greet his son into this world alone.

The heat has really been terrible the past weeks. In Chicago alone 9 lives were claimed in the 10 day spell.

Evan and I survived the above 90's temp in our non-centralized A/C condo camping out in the 2 rooms where there is air conditioning. We converted our dining room as his instant playroom (moved all his gadgets there) and our bedroom as his temporary nursery too. This is where this Pack N' Play came in very handy. Lugging his crib to our room would hurt our backs. He may outgrow the bassinet and changing table parts (the latter has now only about an inch wiggle room lengthwise) pretty soon, but it can still be used as a playpen when he starts to crawl. This gear is definitely a must in the baby registry.

New Evan photos in his album.

Currently listening to: Corrinne Bailey Rae's "Put Your Records On"
Currently reading: Chicago Parent Magazine
Currently watching: Quill (Geoffrey Rush, Kate Winslet)