The effects of the recent economic crisis has knocked on my door last week. Together with another part-time artist, the vice president of the creative department has regretfully informed us that we are being let go. I was sad but also confused because the past months my projects were overflowing. I was even handed new responsiblities which resulted to a nice, surprising raise without my asking. Even if they assured us that it wasn't anything personal I couldn't help but think that I must have done something wrong to have not satisfied them and regret the salary increase I was given.

Lunch with my officemates last summer. Don't worry most of them are still safe with the company. It was a pleasure working with them. I will miss them dearly.

The pieces to the puzzle clicked together after a couple of days. 11 more people from the stationery department were laid off. Talented, smart, hard working, reliable old timers. Then I knew that the department will be one of the few that is going to be phased out next year. The products have been affected by online competition and was for some time losing money. The economic crisis just cut off its final lifeline. The latest move shouldn't come as a shock since we saw it coming. It was only "when" that we weren't too sure about. And it has come.

I wasn't devastated really. I am fortunate that *knock on wood* we are in a good financial position thanks to my husband's hard work and careful handling of our money. We will be okay even if I go unemployed for several months, even a couple of years.

But I was proud of my work, and have every single day, up until last week, been very thankful for having been blessed to have a job that I love. Being blessed to be working with people that I really like and have considered as friends. I was grateful for the extra money that I could have my lunches out with my son or buying little things here and there without worrying about our budget. The something I really felt bad in connection to this job loss was having to take Evan out of daycare. The thought of my son not seeing his friends anymore, the kids he saw regularly 3 days a week, he was familiar and shared fun with pains me the most.

Yet a part of me also feels that it was about time that I try new things, meet new people, experience new experiences. I have worked for this company for almost 5 years now. It was my first job ever since I arrived here in the US and maybe it really is time for me to expand my horizons. The thought holds a lot of appeal to me. Being laid off may have it's bitter aftertaste but I see this as a much needed nudge to take the next step. I might regret letting go of my old routine, old route, visiting my regular haunts around the work area, people who are familliar to me but one thing for sure I am a little curious, excited and nervous of what lies ahead.

For the upcoming months I will be putting together a brand new portfolio (finally), calling art agencies referred to me by my officemates, building a new website, creating samples of work. I will also do freelance works (I already made arrangements with our daycare to babysit Evan on a per project basis) until I get a fulltime job. I also might lay the foundation of THAT business I have been considering. Who knows, maybe I will get THAT business going too. I also look forward to having more time with my son, finally doing weekly playdates I never got around to doing, going to the gym more, having more time to organize the house, having more time to read.

As I write this down it's starting to sound fun. I only wish that the momentary absence of my income wouldn't stress my husband being the natural worrier that he is (he is the yin to my yang). I have had my share of ups and downs and if there's a lesson that I have long learned is that for our every loss something always better comes along. I wish I had a crystal ball to see what it is though, but I guess just like everybody else I will have take it one day at a time and savor every second of this journey.

Wish me luck.

Currently listening to: Come On Get Higher (Matt Nathanson)
Currently reading: Supercapitalism (Robert Reich)
Currently watching: The Holiday (Kate Winslet)